i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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