Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
