Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
