i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
