I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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