We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
