She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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