My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
