This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
