You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
