maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
