Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
