i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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