Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
