He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
