thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
