trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
