last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
