can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
