The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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