peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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