its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
