She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
