just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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