I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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