I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
