I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
