it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
