There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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