I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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