My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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