I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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