I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
