We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
