so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
