I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
