haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
