I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
