I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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