brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
