Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
