im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
