I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
