dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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