not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
