another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
