I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
