porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
how does that bad decision feel?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
