How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
