i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My liver just broke up with me...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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