Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
