Say something about gay babies.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
