my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
