If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
